Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A Pain in the ....

It's not my goal to post a new piece every weekday, but with the amount of downtime I have combined with the amount of stuff floating around in my head, posting is probably for the best.

It's amazing what a fine, fragile line there is between being happy and being depressed. You can be on top of the world one day, and find yourself in a mental sewer that seems impossible to escape the next. Just today alone, I've probably swung between a good and not-so-good mood a half dozen times. Being that I'm on the road several hours a day, it can be a lousy driver that sets me off. It can be a bad report that I deliver. It can be a frosty reception from a neighbor or co-worker. It doesn't take a lot. Then again, I can drive past someone stuck in a job that I'd never want, and then I feel better about my situation. Just like that. I don't know if anyone else is like that. I hope so, otherwise that means that I'm not as mentally stable as I'd like to think that I am.

My health is a growing concern. I've had a couple of problems that provide my with constant pain and discomfort. My right leg has been in pain for at least five years, every day. I've seen doctors about it and gone through therapy, all for naught. I have a second problem that I've had for close to three years and it's the same story. Doctor after doctor. Medication after medication. Failure after failure. These two problems cause me endless amounts of discomfort, and the fact that I've tried so hard to get rid of it to no avail depresses more more than anything else. I can't even remember what it was like to have a day without pain. I know that there has to be a doctor who will hear my symptoms and go, "oh, you have ....." and he'll be right and I'll be pain free. Still, after seven different doctors and no results, I don't have confidence that that miracle worker will be found here. The last doctor I went to even went so far as to say he thought the problems were all in my head. I can see why physicians are asking for the co-payment up front after a "diagnosis" like that. I don't know what to do.

The pains have been worse this week than I can remember. It's tougher to stay in a happy frame of mind, but I owe it to people to continue to try. So I will.

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