Anonymity Breeds Confusion

Strange night on Saturday. It was the day of the Kenny Chesney show at the Hard Rock and Coyote was broadcasting poolside. Nice gig, right? Well, sure, if not for the fact that my old employer happened to be doing the same thing directly across the way. Now if I was girl, this would have meant fleeing in tears and being coaxed back into the venue by co-workers confused as to why I was having a meltdown. But I'm a guy, damn it. I gut these things out.

I had a mix of feelings about the whole experience. I have no problem with not being on a morning show, with all the responsibilities that go along with that job. I don't need everyone looking to me for answers. Still, I want to feel like I'm a valuable part of the operation, something I didn't feel when I heard from a co-worker, "I didn't expect you to be here tonight". I was at a place where I felt like an outsider, and I guess maybe that's normal considering that I'm the new guy on staff. I wasn't important to the whole operation, something that I never felt at the old place. I don't want the responsibility, yet I miss the responsibility. Ah, there's the conundrum. 

I don't miss the old station, but I miss hanging out with those people. My friends. The new batch are merely co-workers. I never once thought about wandering over to their tent. I saw the person who fired me (and still holds down a job in spite of bringing that station to its nadir, ratings-wise) and thought it was best to stay at my post as opposed to holding his head under water until he stopped breathing. I sent a couple of text messages instead, and considered floating an offer out to go grab a beer when our respective duties were done. Instead, I went home and watched "Zack and Miri Make A Porno". It was a good choice. Absurdity is best viewed from my recliner.