I've meant to post the last couple of days, but it's tough to do when you can't remember your User Name. I know I should keep a list of all of them, considering how much business I do online these days. I continue to cling to the notion that my mind is just as sharp at 42 as it was at 22. It just takes slightly longer to focus. In the end, I eventually re-discovered my User Name, so here I am....
If only I could remember what I was going to write about.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Darkness and Light
On the edge of sleep
I was drifting for half the night
Anxious and restless
Pressed down by the darkness
Bound up and wound up so tight
So many decisions, a million revisions
Caught between darkness and light.*
Fancy way for saying I had a tough time sleeping last night. Maverick got me up by making some sounds which told me he was about to be sick, and he needed to go outside. He's a smart dog. Upon returning to bed, everything in the blender that is my brain was working at high speed. And it wasn't good.
At least during the daytime, there are enough distractions that whatever is going on inside my head can be pushed down until later, hopefully much later. The wee hours of the night affords no such luxury.
My parents are in town this week. They visit frequently, 3-4 times a year. We often say that I probably see them more living out here than I would if I lived back in Wisconsin. Their visit is a constant reminder to me about how upset my dismissal made those closest to me, and it makes me angry. It's anger that can't be acted upon. Anger that can only be dismissed when the next stage of my job life begins.
Still, my anger inevitably turned to self pity. I got up from bed to lay down on the couch in the living room to just think about things. The dominating feeling emerged that I was a failure. The light of day negated the feeling, but there's something about the loneliness of 2:30am- even lying next to the person you love- that brings fear, pity, and panic.
On the edge of sleep
I heard voices behind the door
The known and the nameless
Familiar and faceless
My angels and my demons at war
Which one will lose- depends on what I choose
Or maybe which voice I ignore....*
Excedrin PM is playing a vital role in my life these days. I didn't take it last night. I won't make that mistake again.
*- N. Peart, 1991
I was drifting for half the night
Anxious and restless
Pressed down by the darkness
Bound up and wound up so tight
So many decisions, a million revisions
Caught between darkness and light.*
Fancy way for saying I had a tough time sleeping last night. Maverick got me up by making some sounds which told me he was about to be sick, and he needed to go outside. He's a smart dog. Upon returning to bed, everything in the blender that is my brain was working at high speed. And it wasn't good.
At least during the daytime, there are enough distractions that whatever is going on inside my head can be pushed down until later, hopefully much later. The wee hours of the night affords no such luxury.
My parents are in town this week. They visit frequently, 3-4 times a year. We often say that I probably see them more living out here than I would if I lived back in Wisconsin. Their visit is a constant reminder to me about how upset my dismissal made those closest to me, and it makes me angry. It's anger that can't be acted upon. Anger that can only be dismissed when the next stage of my job life begins.
Still, my anger inevitably turned to self pity. I got up from bed to lay down on the couch in the living room to just think about things. The dominating feeling emerged that I was a failure. The light of day negated the feeling, but there's something about the loneliness of 2:30am- even lying next to the person you love- that brings fear, pity, and panic.
On the edge of sleep
I heard voices behind the door
The known and the nameless
Familiar and faceless
My angels and my demons at war
Which one will lose- depends on what I choose
Or maybe which voice I ignore....*
Excedrin PM is playing a vital role in my life these days. I didn't take it last night. I won't make that mistake again.
*- N. Peart, 1991
Thursday, April 3, 2008
No Deal
Perhaps you've heard that the company that I used to work for, Clear Channel, is attempting to go private. If you haven't heard, just go ahead and click here for the latest details.
If you don't want to read it, I'll just tell you that the deal, which was supposed to go through last month, now might not happen at all. Seems the amount per share of Clear Channel stock that the buyers had agreed to pay is now being seen as too high. CC stock used to trade at close to $100 per share. It's now down in the range of $30. Because of this, the apparent buyout is on the rocks. Now I don't hold a degree in business but it's easy to see why the stock has dropped and the deal seems doomed. Step by step:
1) CC is more concerned with the bottom line than anything else. Understandable. They're a business and businesses are supposed to make money. But...
2) This concern for the bottom line means letting go of talented people. Lots of talented people. Me, for example. All in the name of "budget cuts"
3) When you let good people go, the end product suffers. Plus, good people won't want to come and work for CC, knowing their reputation for cost cutting. Big salaries always come with a bullseye on their back.
4) When the end product suffers, the ratings suffer. People tune out. We're seeing this with the ratings of KWNR, especially in morning drive. The morning ratings are reaching historic lows since my removal.
5) When the ratings suffer, the sales department has more trouble selling commercials. Advertisers don't want to buy time on a station that no one listens to. They may be obnoxious, but they're not stupid. Fewer ads sold means less money made.
6) Less money made means the bottom line suffers, which means the stock price goes down, which means the buyout deal probably won't be happening.
In essence, CC has reaped what they've sewn. You'd think this would bring me joy, but as a CC stockholder, I'm now getting screwed in a different way.
Again, I consider myself of average intelligence, so if I can figure this whole thing out, why couldn't the leaders of these giant corporations? Aren't they supposed to be smarter than us?
On the bright side, it's another beautiful day, my dog is laying at my feet, and the Brewers are 2-0. Life's not all bad.
If you don't want to read it, I'll just tell you that the deal, which was supposed to go through last month, now might not happen at all. Seems the amount per share of Clear Channel stock that the buyers had agreed to pay is now being seen as too high. CC stock used to trade at close to $100 per share. It's now down in the range of $30. Because of this, the apparent buyout is on the rocks. Now I don't hold a degree in business but it's easy to see why the stock has dropped and the deal seems doomed. Step by step:
1) CC is more concerned with the bottom line than anything else. Understandable. They're a business and businesses are supposed to make money. But...
2) This concern for the bottom line means letting go of talented people. Lots of talented people. Me, for example. All in the name of "budget cuts"
3) When you let good people go, the end product suffers. Plus, good people won't want to come and work for CC, knowing their reputation for cost cutting. Big salaries always come with a bullseye on their back.
4) When the end product suffers, the ratings suffer. People tune out. We're seeing this with the ratings of KWNR, especially in morning drive. The morning ratings are reaching historic lows since my removal.
5) When the ratings suffer, the sales department has more trouble selling commercials. Advertisers don't want to buy time on a station that no one listens to. They may be obnoxious, but they're not stupid. Fewer ads sold means less money made.
6) Less money made means the bottom line suffers, which means the stock price goes down, which means the buyout deal probably won't be happening.
In essence, CC has reaped what they've sewn. You'd think this would bring me joy, but as a CC stockholder, I'm now getting screwed in a different way.
Again, I consider myself of average intelligence, so if I can figure this whole thing out, why couldn't the leaders of these giant corporations? Aren't they supposed to be smarter than us?
On the bright side, it's another beautiful day, my dog is laying at my feet, and the Brewers are 2-0. Life's not all bad.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Those Darn Kids!
"Kids are so much smarter these days than they used to be"
Really? That phrase sure is bandied about a lot, but statistics show that, if anything, today's generation of youth is the dumbest in modern history.
Statistics recently released by the Clark County School District showed massive failures in math tests performed by students in the district. I'm sure that if it were English, Geography, History, or Science, results would be the same. What does this say? Simple. Most kids are really dumb.
Now, rest assured, we'll get reasons for the failures. The District's resources are poor. Teachers don't make enough money. Parents need to get more involved. And blah, and blah and blah. Money has nothing to do with intelligence. I can hand you $100, and that won't improve your intellect one whit. Heck, odds are you'll do something dumb with that money. The impetus to learn lies squarely on the shoulders of those darn kids we always make excuses for.
You have to want to learn. There are plenty of subjects that I knew I would never use if I got a job in my chosen field, but I applied myself anyway and did fairly well. I wasn't the valedictorian, but I was in the top 25 percent of my class. I was more afraid of looking stupid to the other kids than anything else. I could do a mean frog dissection knowing full well that I'd never need to know what I was learning at the time.
Time to quit wringing our hands and wondering how we can stem the tide of low test scores. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read, "My Rottweiler is Smarter Than Your Honor Student". I don't doubt that, considering how low the bar seems to be now.
I know I would be remiss if I didn't say that yes, there are plenty of good, hard working kids out there. There ya go. But for the most part, today's kids are as dumb as a toadstool and there's no sign of an uptick anytime soon. But if I want a recap of what happened on "American Idol" this week, I'm sure there'd be no shortage of young minds ready to give me the whole rundown.
Really? That phrase sure is bandied about a lot, but statistics show that, if anything, today's generation of youth is the dumbest in modern history.
Statistics recently released by the Clark County School District showed massive failures in math tests performed by students in the district. I'm sure that if it were English, Geography, History, or Science, results would be the same. What does this say? Simple. Most kids are really dumb.
Now, rest assured, we'll get reasons for the failures. The District's resources are poor. Teachers don't make enough money. Parents need to get more involved. And blah, and blah and blah. Money has nothing to do with intelligence. I can hand you $100, and that won't improve your intellect one whit. Heck, odds are you'll do something dumb with that money. The impetus to learn lies squarely on the shoulders of those darn kids we always make excuses for.
You have to want to learn. There are plenty of subjects that I knew I would never use if I got a job in my chosen field, but I applied myself anyway and did fairly well. I wasn't the valedictorian, but I was in the top 25 percent of my class. I was more afraid of looking stupid to the other kids than anything else. I could do a mean frog dissection knowing full well that I'd never need to know what I was learning at the time.
Time to quit wringing our hands and wondering how we can stem the tide of low test scores. I saw a bumper sticker the other day that read, "My Rottweiler is Smarter Than Your Honor Student". I don't doubt that, considering how low the bar seems to be now.
I know I would be remiss if I didn't say that yes, there are plenty of good, hard working kids out there. There ya go. But for the most part, today's kids are as dumb as a toadstool and there's no sign of an uptick anytime soon. But if I want a recap of what happened on "American Idol" this week, I'm sure there'd be no shortage of young minds ready to give me the whole rundown.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
70 Degrees
No one is happy.
I'm not generalizing here. No one is happy. Not a single person. At least that's the conclusion I've come to these past few months. If I go out to lunch, undoubtedly the people at the table next to me are complaining about jobs or family. I read the paper every day. The op/ed pieces are rife with misery, This sucks, that sucks, we're in recession, our leaders are crooks, etc. Misery is everywhere. There's even a "misery index" that measures the country's mood (it's quite high, by the way. No surprise). My friends seem more unhappy than happy. My wife, though happy with me, seems unhappy about every other aspect of her life. And don't think that that doesn't start rubbing off on me.
It's the absolute peak of irony that in an age where technology has us to the point where we can do almost whatever we want whenever we want to, and it's still not good enough. I've never heard so many nostalgic for the "good old days". Sure, I think about when I first came west and lived down in Kingman, Arizona. My wage: $5.50 and hour. My first paycheck was something like $300. My lunches and dinners were either Buddig meat sandwiches or Michealina's frozen pastas (.99 apiece!). A big splurge was driving down to Laughlin and gambling $10, hoping to turn it into.......$20! There are times where I look back wistfully (yeah, wistfully!) on those times, but realize that if I could magically transport myself back to that time and place, I'd be dying to get back to the present.
Why are we so unhappy? When we see a person walking down the street with a smile on their face, we're more likely to think that that same person has a screw loose. Happiness is meant with resentment. Happiness breeds guilt. How can I be happy when halfway around the world there are entire countries that are starving? How can I be happy when we have troops fighting to protect a freedom in some God-forsaken place, fighting a war that will never, ever end (you don't defeat terrorism. You only win battle by battle)? Are we cursed because we live in the greatest country that ever was and truly don't know that hardships mean more that just the cable going out?
The next time you go to a store, no doubt the clerk will ask how you're doing. I'm sure your response will be "fine", or "good", or at worst, "ok". Ask the clerk in return, and you'll most likely get the same answer back. Ask them if they mean what they say. I'm guessing they don't, and more often than not, you're just as likely to be telling a little white lie as well.
As it stands currently, I'm sitting at home on a beautiful 70 degree day, watching a pre-season baseball game. I made a pretty darn good sandwich for lunch. I took my dog to the park and he made some new friends. Sounds pretty good. I talked with my wife, whom I love dearly. She's having a good day. No drama. The house is quiet, the neighborhood tranquil, and an afternoon of more of the same awaits.
So why am I unhappy? Why are all of us?
I'm not generalizing here. No one is happy. Not a single person. At least that's the conclusion I've come to these past few months. If I go out to lunch, undoubtedly the people at the table next to me are complaining about jobs or family. I read the paper every day. The op/ed pieces are rife with misery, This sucks, that sucks, we're in recession, our leaders are crooks, etc. Misery is everywhere. There's even a "misery index" that measures the country's mood (it's quite high, by the way. No surprise). My friends seem more unhappy than happy. My wife, though happy with me, seems unhappy about every other aspect of her life. And don't think that that doesn't start rubbing off on me.
It's the absolute peak of irony that in an age where technology has us to the point where we can do almost whatever we want whenever we want to, and it's still not good enough. I've never heard so many nostalgic for the "good old days". Sure, I think about when I first came west and lived down in Kingman, Arizona. My wage: $5.50 and hour. My first paycheck was something like $300. My lunches and dinners were either Buddig meat sandwiches or Michealina's frozen pastas (.99 apiece!). A big splurge was driving down to Laughlin and gambling $10, hoping to turn it into.......$20! There are times where I look back wistfully (yeah, wistfully!) on those times, but realize that if I could magically transport myself back to that time and place, I'd be dying to get back to the present.
Why are we so unhappy? When we see a person walking down the street with a smile on their face, we're more likely to think that that same person has a screw loose. Happiness is meant with resentment. Happiness breeds guilt. How can I be happy when halfway around the world there are entire countries that are starving? How can I be happy when we have troops fighting to protect a freedom in some God-forsaken place, fighting a war that will never, ever end (you don't defeat terrorism. You only win battle by battle)? Are we cursed because we live in the greatest country that ever was and truly don't know that hardships mean more that just the cable going out?
The next time you go to a store, no doubt the clerk will ask how you're doing. I'm sure your response will be "fine", or "good", or at worst, "ok". Ask the clerk in return, and you'll most likely get the same answer back. Ask them if they mean what they say. I'm guessing they don't, and more often than not, you're just as likely to be telling a little white lie as well.
As it stands currently, I'm sitting at home on a beautiful 70 degree day, watching a pre-season baseball game. I made a pretty darn good sandwich for lunch. I took my dog to the park and he made some new friends. Sounds pretty good. I talked with my wife, whom I love dearly. She's having a good day. No drama. The house is quiet, the neighborhood tranquil, and an afternoon of more of the same awaits.
So why am I unhappy? Why are all of us?
Monday, March 10, 2008
A Pleasant Valley Monday
In the last three months or so, I've lost my job, my Mom has been diagnosed with lymphoma (prognosis is excellent) and Brett Favre retired. At least my colonoscopy was performed at the one place in southern Nevada that hasn't been shut down by the health district. Not yet.
It's a very quiet Monday morning here at the house. Pumpkin just left for work, Maverick is laying at my feet, knowing that he's just moments away from walking around the neighborhood. Coffee's up. Newspaper is ready to be devoured.
I slept horribly last night, a lot of tossing and turning. I've had fewer "down in the dumps" mood swings as of late, but last night I was just plagued by all sorts of self doubts. Pumpkin and I have started seriously exploring the possibility of moving back to Wisconsin. The weather that they've had there this winter should, if anything, push me far far away from going back, but it's actually done the opposite. It doesn't hurt that I can find twice the house for half the price. I'm now not just concerned with getting a new job, but also with a possible move halfway across the country. I'm pretty much taking on two of the most stressful scenarios head-on.
Stocks are down. Again. Oh well. Just look at it this way: stocks are on sale. When my favorite pairs of jeans are half off, I stock up. When stocks are down, you write a check. Simple, simple stuff. I keep hearing the economic "experts" fearing that we may be in the throes of a recession. Beautiful. If history is any indicator (and it usually is), periods of recession- which usually last anywhere from nine months to two years- are followed by times of great economic prosperity. Fear a recession? I don't understand why we're not welcoming it with open arms.
Alright, a rottweiler with a wish to go for a walk can only be denied for so long. Time to brave the elements.
It's a very quiet Monday morning here at the house. Pumpkin just left for work, Maverick is laying at my feet, knowing that he's just moments away from walking around the neighborhood. Coffee's up. Newspaper is ready to be devoured.
I slept horribly last night, a lot of tossing and turning. I've had fewer "down in the dumps" mood swings as of late, but last night I was just plagued by all sorts of self doubts. Pumpkin and I have started seriously exploring the possibility of moving back to Wisconsin. The weather that they've had there this winter should, if anything, push me far far away from going back, but it's actually done the opposite. It doesn't hurt that I can find twice the house for half the price. I'm now not just concerned with getting a new job, but also with a possible move halfway across the country. I'm pretty much taking on two of the most stressful scenarios head-on.
Stocks are down. Again. Oh well. Just look at it this way: stocks are on sale. When my favorite pairs of jeans are half off, I stock up. When stocks are down, you write a check. Simple, simple stuff. I keep hearing the economic "experts" fearing that we may be in the throes of a recession. Beautiful. If history is any indicator (and it usually is), periods of recession- which usually last anywhere from nine months to two years- are followed by times of great economic prosperity. Fear a recession? I don't understand why we're not welcoming it with open arms.
Alright, a rottweiler with a wish to go for a walk can only be denied for so long. Time to brave the elements.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Sunday Morning Coming Down
Sorry for the delay. I promise more postings this week. Whether they're dealing with radio or not remains to be seen.
Sunday morning. The absolute best time of the week. It's nice and quiet in the house. Pumpkin's asleep. Maverick is circling me, looking to go for a walk. I've already been out on the back patio, fetching furniture and pillows that had blown away in last night's windstorm. Thankfully, there's no Packer game to get nervous about this day.
I've been fighting a bit of a funk this week. Mentally, not physically. Tomorrow marks three months since I was dismissed. Three months. It feels like it was much, much longer ago. I'm still finding things to do to keep busy, but even that routine (going to the gym, seeing a movie, taking Maverick to the park) has gotten, well, routine. A friend of mine suggested taking some road trips, to Laughlin, Mesquite, Pahrump, San Diego. I told him that while it's not a bad idea, the LAST thing that I need is more time by myself. That's the only thing I have in great abundance right now.
Being alone on a Sunday morning sure feels different from being alone on a Tuesday afternoon.
Sunday morning. The absolute best time of the week. It's nice and quiet in the house. Pumpkin's asleep. Maverick is circling me, looking to go for a walk. I've already been out on the back patio, fetching furniture and pillows that had blown away in last night's windstorm. Thankfully, there's no Packer game to get nervous about this day.
I've been fighting a bit of a funk this week. Mentally, not physically. Tomorrow marks three months since I was dismissed. Three months. It feels like it was much, much longer ago. I'm still finding things to do to keep busy, but even that routine (going to the gym, seeing a movie, taking Maverick to the park) has gotten, well, routine. A friend of mine suggested taking some road trips, to Laughlin, Mesquite, Pahrump, San Diego. I told him that while it's not a bad idea, the LAST thing that I need is more time by myself. That's the only thing I have in great abundance right now.
Being alone on a Sunday morning sure feels different from being alone on a Tuesday afternoon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
