Thursday, January 20, 2011

Brain Freeze

I don't want to do this anymore.

Obviously, with postings as scarce as a competent cashier, it's clear that posting blog entries is of no interest to me anymore. The thrill is gone. The original purpose of this blog has long since passed and the cathartic blast I once felt from posting has gone from exciting to obligation to hassle.

Several of my friends write blogs on various subjects, all better written than mine. When word got around of what I was up to, their eyes turned to my words and I instantly felt inferior. Reading their stuff made me feel like a 3rd-grade creative writing student, someone just learning how to conjugate. The blog was no longer just a purging of my thoughts but it had to be done in such a way that the people whom I knew were reading it would be floored by my prose. Then I would read something of theirs and realize it was a pointless endeavor to try and match them. I was in over my head and stepped back. That said, I'm enjoying this right now. I know, I'm a weird guy.

I've wanted to write about politics, I wanted to muse about death, I wanted to explore why I can never shut off my mind. I've sat in my "writing chair" and determined before signing in that it just wasn't worth it. This wasn't a case of writer's block, or a matter of indifference. I felt that I couldn't continue to live up to the high expectations I had set for myself. So I walked away.

Everyone has a blog now. Everyone gives their thoughts for the world to read, or posts idiotic videos to Youtube for all to digest. No one keeps thoughts to themselves anymore. Tonight, my gal is out with a friend and it's just me, the dog, and a homemade quesadilla (with chicken). There will be lots of silence. I'll be happy and at the same time wonder what's wrong.

14 comments:

Marius Cristian said...
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MW said...

"Tonight, my gal is out with a friend and it's just me, the dog, and a homemade quesadilla (with chicken). There will be lots of silence. I'll be happy and at the same time wonder what's wrong."

That is beautiful. Simple, yet very meaningful. I've felt that exact way on so many nights.

lexandra said...

Everyone has a blog now. Everyone gives their thoughts for the world to read, or posts idiotic videos to Youtube for all to digest. No one keeps thoughts to themselves anymore.

This part really stuck with me.

Brian said...
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todd carr said...

I hope you decide to blog again, I have enjoyed your perspective.

hapi said...

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Mitchy said...

Thanks for the nice comments, guys. Sidelined by a mild case of carpal-tunnel, which keeps me from the keyboard. More to come, I promise

Mitch

Faith said...

You've got something here... My mind won't shut off either. The problem is its not always useful. Try free writing. Something good always comes from giving your thoughts words, no matter what they are.

Draw a picture...

Elliott Chow said...

i also do not like post as required...

rickybollinger said...

very nice blog. thanks.



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Ryan Benz said...

I just started blogging, and it is true everyone has one now, but it is just a way to express ourselves

max said...

when i'm on my own blog, and i click on the "next blog" button at top twice, i arrive at your blog. in case it helps, when i started reading the most recent post of yours, i simply could not stop reading. not because you'd put effort into crafting your prose, but because you've done a great job both distilling down and expressing the thoughts that are bogging you down. ones that are very familiar to me, only i sound whiney when i try to say it. at least i think so. definitely i'm longer-winded.

anyhow, no matter what thing that you do that you isolate and look at with scrutiny is going to hold up as the best thing ever. and even when you think other people have got that honor, you're probably wrong or at the very least they don't feel that way. but i think i've decided that if you give up the things you do fairly well just because you're not great at them, you're lessening the greatness of your whole person.

like me, i do a little bit of writing, some graphic design, some traditional art, play a teeny bit of guitar (enough to strum my way through a lot of popular cover tunes), and i have a garden that looks lovely. every single one of these things is something i am mediocre at. but i'm proud to have all of these parts included in me. so, even if writing is your only creative endeavor, the analogy can still be applied. you probably have a variety of strengths and weaknesses that is unique to your writing, just like everyone does, and if you've got a good combo of them (and so far, i think so), then your writing deserves to be there. just because a ton of people have a blog doesn't mean a thing. there are a lot of click-happy teenagers out there who do nothing *but* sit at the computer while also fiddling with their smart phones. that may dilute the quality of the web, but it has no impact on the quality of your own work.

and btw, whenever i'm in need of a reminder that good writing is clear writing (well, that's one person's opinion, at least), i re-read _On_Writing_Well_ by william zinsser and then i am feeling so very much in agreement with his sentiments and more confident in my ability to apply his advice, that writing is a much better experience for a period. that feeling always goes away, but everything's cyclical, and just about everything you wish you could set and forget actually needs tune-ups and maintenance on a regular basis, and no one in today's world has the time, money, AND energy to keep up with all of them on a schedule that meets their ideals.

so, ask yourself why you're writing. is it *for* your friends whose writing makes you feel intimidated? or was there another, original reason? if you're writing for a reason like, priming the pump to get your thoughts and stuff into a steady stream out of your head, then maybe that's what you should do and not worry about readership.

i can't say that i don't share the sentiment though when it comes to the text blogging. me for a different reason. no one (and i mean not one single person) reads my blog. i wish that tons of people read it, so that there might be some subset of the population who relates to it and has something worthwhile to say in response. and instead, everyone's putting all their energy into replies that fit into a 140-character limit. you got TWELVE comments. i actually covet the number of readers you've got. okay, thought i'd speak my mind, since i just got done posting yet another blog post that no one will ever read, and i was expressing a somewhat similar sentiment to yours.

gatewathealth said...

Beautiful and meaningful.

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